Category: Meditation

Surrender

Surrender Grasping.  I recognize it is what I do when it feels like I am just wandering, ungrounded. It’s like slowly melting down a hole while trying to hold on or grab whatever you can off of the slippery sides. And now, I’m back in

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Aya Camp Entry #7?

Ceremony #7 A perfect end. After the usual terrifying piece, all calmed. I built a world under blankets and felt all the sensations – Visual, auditory & physical. Overwhelming sensations. Why does it have to be so terrible? I talk myself through it. What comes

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Enlightenment

Before enlightenment – chop the wood, carry the wood, stack the wood. After enlightenment – chop the wood, carry the wood, stack the wood. It feels weird to say, but today I hit enlightenment. Years of being so hard on myself, I cried for. Years.

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Aya Camp – Big breakthrough!

Wow. Travelled all night to get here. Cusco and then the Sacred Valley. Had a massive breakdown today. Sat in the shower and cried. Had a nap, cried somemore. Total fucking breakdown. I didn’t know what to do, under the effects of Medicine and then

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Aya Camp Entry #2 – All the things

What I wrote after my second ceremony. This night I journeyed into “All the things.” The medicine came on fast and came on strong. I realized I spend a significant amount of time labelling myself – I am this, I am not that and tonight

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This is me

This is me. No filter. No make up. No eyelash extensions. No gel nails. No faces to cover up my hatred for selfies. This is the girl I love to hate and hate to love. This is the girl I cover in make up and

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Goodbye Colynn!

  This is how I feel today as I sit at the airport, ready to fly! Today I set off for who knows how long. To go do who knows what, who knows where lol. Well I know a bit. Tomorrow at this time I

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Shame

Today what comes to mind is shame. The word shame. The feelings of shame. A lot of the stuff that comes up around trauma, for myself and for others, is shame. Shame really means that you think something is wrong with you. That what happened

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Gratefulness

Gratefulness is the word that comes up for me today. Around 1pm Bali time, I found myself sitting at a cafe with 3 men & 3 amazing children I did not know a month ago drinking cat poo coffee. Lol, yup you read it right.

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