Today fate put me in a car from the farm to Jaco to meet my babies with yet another interesting and beautiful creature so full of lessons. My drive to Jaco with Pat was yet another, super clear sign from the universe.
The farm was so amazing and healing. On my last day I was taken on a beautiful jungle date to a river confluence and was shown enlightenment with a different medicine. Love & nature. The conversation that took place on the big rock on the bank of the river was the most powerful and insightful conversation I may have ever partaken in. What I heard was that I am so perfectly imperfect just the way I am and that my expectations around self love will continue to leave me disappointed. That the more I keep searching, the more I will discover I don't have and therefore will continue to search and not find and nothing, no one, especially me, will ever be good enough. That the intention to search outward is enough to say that I don't know, I don't have the answers and therefore will forever quest for the right answer. I cried and I truly saw nature and myself for what we truly are. I also saw another person as they truly are. Divine & beautiful & authentic and real
Back to my drive... I was attached to what my next direction would be and the conversation on our drive really showed me that I am going in a different direction. What I recognized was that I am unattaching from material things and really starting to attach to the feelings & experiences and then want to make or stay in the moment. But the truth I need to see is that the experience happens and I try to hold on and make that the thing. And unattachment is the practice, as well as trusting and allowing. So... how can I take the lessons & experiences & let them go, holding the experience & memories & continuing to take what comes to me as it comes to me?