Ayahuasca Camp Journal Entry #1

This is from my journal the day after my first journey.

5 years ago ish, I had an urge. A crazy urged to head to the jungle to drink jungle juice and find and connect to a deeper part of my soul. Last night that dream came true. I have spent the last 5 years full of anticipation and trying to stave off expectation.

Last night I drank the bitter brew and meet the grandmother I have been fantasizing about for years and I was so happy to meet her. The journey was long and beautiful and mild and expelatory. I went to many surface areas of my mind and the answers were thrown at me immediately. Lose the princess and find the Queen. Let go of your falsities and love who and what you are just as you are. Own your greatness and stop searching for your purpose. You already hold it, you already know it, now do it.

And take that shit off your face. Stop the eyelashes, the nails, the makeup, get dirty, enjoy nature and remember who you are. Stop searching ~ for you, for your purpose, for the answers, for your life partner, for meaning in everything. ENJOY ~ the world around you, life, your adventure, your children and your work.

Nobody ever said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.  


So yesterday was a big day. The start of the retreat. We were to all meet up for the shuttle. There we all get to check each other out, size each other up and see who we are with for thenext at least 7 days. Well of course my group is the coolest. 2 ex-navy seals, an expert in artificial emotional intelligence, a married couple from California, 2 cute boys fromOntario, a sweetheart on his 40th+ journey and the coolest chick I could dare to hang out with, with 5 more people to meet at the centre.

2 hours of driving through the country side, with the best meal ever and then 1.5 hours by boat on the largest river I have ever seen. Good conversation and deep connection right off the bat and a fuck ton of laughs. I nicknamed3people immediately. Lol.

We arrived at this isolated village on stilts to music and dancers. It was surreal. Intros, orientation, our rooms and food! We heard about kambo and what that ceremony would look like at 6am and finished the day off with a nunu ceremony. Wow.

Spiders, mosquitoes and then crazy rain throughout the night meant barley any sleep. Upat sunrise for the kambo. Wow. Again. I think I know what death feels like, lol. A bit of purgingand everyone says I look like a different person.... Hmmm.

A one on one with the shamans where I share my deepest traumas and history and ayahauscaceremony #1 tonight. Anticipation without expectation. A difficult space to hold. Tonight is establishing a connection with the medicine. Wish me luck, let's hope she likes me. ❤️