Journal Entry – Feb. 23
San Pedro was yesterday. Such a beautiful medicine & my crazy, kick ass, hero dosing body has become uber sensitive. Everything was so beautiful yesterday. Thelagoon, the people, life. And I had too much, LOL! I craved touch yesterday so deeply & longed for connection. I felt like I didn’t quite connect with the group even though I really wanted to. The group felt younger than me, there for different reasons. I felt I didn’t fit in. This isnot a new fee ling for me. I feel I don’t fit in quite often.
What I do see is that constant want to be liked, by everybody, all the time. And the truth is, it’s just not possible. It’s not real. This part of the journey gave me more of a chance to sit, to reflect, to feel lonely. Something I needed, but didn’t necessarily want.
The lessons are rich and all around, ripe for the taking. I just have to open up tothem & also remember them! The journey is not ending, but rather continuing and I can’t help reflect on how deep this medicine has truly helped me to heal myself. Kambo, 7 ayahausca, 2 sapo, a sweat, san pedro & rape (chill it is like snuff with an accented e but don’t know how to do that… :0). 30 years of trauma release & nervous system detox – crying, shaking, journeying, purging, connecting, loving, journalling & travel. 10 years of therapy in 2 weeks. Now off to Costa Rica for a month!!!!