I needed a ride to the ferry a month ago and was at a loss for who to ask. All my friends are busy, have their own lives and are often business oriented – meaning the reason I know them is because of my work. I definitely learned 2 things. I have trouble asking for help and looking back I have not fostered my friendships.
This whole divorce thing has been hard but also very great for clearing space in my life. At first my partner was reaching out to anyone that would listen and filling them with some pretty good stories. I watched my friend count on Facebook drop and some followers on Instagram disappear. Even some family went to the dark side, lol. I went quiet. I went inside. I drank Prosecco. And that is when it hit me. Everything has been about business for me. The reason I knew I was losing friends was a number on social media, not anything to do with physical reality. This made me take a long, hard look at everything, including my business.
By letting people go and healing some energy leaks with important people in my life, I started to clear space. I recognized the friends I do have and started to attract some new ones. This weekend I came home to teach some classes and ended up getting offers to stay with my amazing students (and friends) and at first just kept saying no. I felt guilty imposing. But Erika basically told me I was staying with her and I have to be honest, I was relieved. We stayed up late talking, had morning coffee staring onto the lake, talking, and just plain enjoyed each others company.
I take away from this the beautiful and feminine skill of receiving. I have resisted accepting help from others for so long. What up with that? I definitely don’t mind helping but receiving, unless you’re helping me move I don’t need anything. Yet, here I am. Homeless, carless, and therefore in need of assistance. I am so grateful for everyone. Everyone that encourages me in continuing to post my most vulnerable feelings and realizations. I am grateful for those that won’t let me be without shelter. To Tim for lending me a car! And to each and every one of you for your support and encouragement.
I think of that quote, “No one ever said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.” Amen.